Im at strip club and am horny
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
