I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
