I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
