So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize