I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
