I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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