And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
