im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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