One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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