He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
