I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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