come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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