I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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