Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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