high people should be assigned attendants
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
