That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
