she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
