Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Randomize
