he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
you made out with another girl for some wings
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
