Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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