My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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