My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
