So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize