He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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