i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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