after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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