Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
