well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
