i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
