It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
