hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
