Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
