Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
