Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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