oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
