worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
