I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
