Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
