Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
