i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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