this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
