And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think I died a long time ago.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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