hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
