oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
