Your face is a jimmy john
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
This baby is an asshole
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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