Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
People in love make me want to vomit
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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