I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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