I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
is wine microwaveable?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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