I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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