i permit you to call me
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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