Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
