first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
one might say we're banned from that church
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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