I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
