I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Randomize
