i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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