The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
