it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
