My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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