OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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