i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
