Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
