...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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