I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
