I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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