THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
