I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
